On May 12, 2007 I became the wife to Tim, the Step-Mother to Josh and the Mother-In-Law to Christina. I was so excited by all the possibilities that came with all of those titles. My Mom thought it was hilarious that I was becoming a mother-in-law. The title made me feel old at first, but knowing I was going to be the Mother-In-Law to Christina made me feel good. It made me want to be the best mother-in-law ever. I was also very excited to be a step-mother. When people would ask me if I had any kids, I could finally say "YES!"
There were only ten years difference in my age and "the kids" as I would often refer to them. Josh & Christina accepted me immediately. They would come over at least once every 4 to 6 weeks to hang out at our house. We would all watch some movies together and "the kids" had a Nintendo Wii that they would bring for us to play sometimes. Tim & Josh had a way of disappearing to the office to get on the computer, which always left plenty of time for me and Christina to talk.
In between visits there were phone calls and emails. I always looked forward to emails from Josh. He would always get sent the funniest emails I had ever seen and he would forward them on to me. We were a happy family of 4. I often thought about the possibility of becoming a grandmother down the road, when they were ready of course. It was an exciting possibility.
My greatest treasure came during Mother's Day weekend of 2008. Josh had to work on Sundays, so they called and asked if they could come by the Saturday before Mother's Day. I honestly didn't think much about it. I figured they were stopping by to see their mothers and they must be trying to squeeze in a visit to us as well. They lived somewhere between 45 minutes to an hour away. So it wasn't unusual for them to come by if they were in town to see their other parents all on the same day. However, this day would be different. Not long after getting in the house they handed me a bag and a card and said "Happy Mother's Day." I was absolutely shocked. I didn't expect anything from them for Mother's Day. As I read the card I teared up. Inside they had written that there was plenty of room in their lives for another Mother and they were happy to have me in their lives. I was absolutely speechless! Inside the bag I found the most beautiful fairy. I was a Mother on Mother's Day 2008. No one told them to write the loving note in the card. No one told them to buy me a gift. That day was just a way for them to show me how they felt about me.
Sadly on May 20, 2009 my marriage to Tim was officially over. So far I have been able to stay in contact with Christina through phone calls and text messages. I know that losing them is to be expected. However, I don't think I'll ever lose their friendship. Twelve years ago in 1997 I thought I was taking away all my chances of motherhood when I had my surgery. In the space of ten years I became an aunt, a mother to a basset hound, and then I was actually called Mom. Right now I don't know what my future holds. I guess I'll just sit back and see what God has in store for me in the future because He sure has given me the most amazing gifts in the form of nieces, nephews, a stepson, and a daughter- in-law.
Showing posts with label motherhood. Show all posts
Showing posts with label motherhood. Show all posts
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Motherhood Part 2
"When one door closes, another opens..."
Motherhood Part 2
My next stage to motherhood came when I got married a year later to Barry in late fall, who was 9 years older than me. I married into a family. Barry was the youngest of 4 children. He was 9 years older than me. I married into a family. Barry not only made me his wife on the day we married, he also made me the proud aunt to 8 nieces and nephews.
When Barry and I got married we first lived with his Dad. Papa John, as he was called by the kids. He would pick up 4 of the grand kids after school and bring them to the house until they could be picked up. Unable to work at that time I would be home and helped out when they came over after school. I would help make snacks, help with homework, play Old Maid and get to hear all about their day at school. I loved every minute of it.
As I've mentioned in my profile, I am a sports fanatic and luckily for me I married into a very athletic and sports oriented family. All the brothers and their sister were star athletes in their day and now their kids were too. During the fall, we would gather on Saturdays to watch Tennessee Vols college football games. It was great! We would yell and cheer at the game and have such a great time together.
Due to everyone's schedules, we didn't have a big Thanksgiving, so Christmas was going to be our first big family holiday. Barry and I were so excited about our first Christmas together. As we were trying to decide what to get the kids for Christmas, we finally decided on board games. The games were a real hit. I can still remember all the fun we had, playing games all day Christmas. Barry kept his "cool uncle" title and I became the "cool Aunt Elizabeth." We loved those kids and were proud to do things with them every chance we got.
When spring came, as soon as Barry would get home from work, we were out the door and headed straight to the ball fields night after night. We watched softball games and baseball games all spring and summer. All the parents had these shirts with the team logo on the front and on the back they said "Mom of # _" or "Dad of # _" but they didn't have any for aunts or uncles. I found this really discriminating and made it known. I told them that it wasn't fair that there weren't shirts for the aunts and uncles that were there supporting the kids just as much as the parents. Everyone knew I was teasing, but to my great surprise, the very next year I was presented with a specially made shirt that looked just like the ones for the parents but mine said "Harrison Lady Titans " on front and on the back it said "Aunt of #12." I was absolutely thrilled! I still have that shirt to this day.
Being an aunt was so fulfilling. I have lots of tales I may share on later posts about being an aunt, but my main point is I might not be able to be a "mother," but as an aunt I sometimes had to fill in as one, which was very rewarding. I dedicate this post to my nieces and nephews, in no particular order: Ryan, Justin, Josh, Justis, Lauren, Lacey, D.J. and Chase.
Motherhood to be continued...
EJ
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Motherhood
Motherhood - noun
1 the state of being a mother; maternity
2 the character or qualities of a mother
3 mothers collectively
Webster's New World Dictionary
The hardest decision I ever made has to be the decision to have a tubal ligation (tie my tubes) before I could ever have a child. I was a very sick child and since the summer of my senior year of high school I was extremely sick and many years later would find out that I had fibromyalgia. My mother had a rough time getting me here. She had 4 miscarriages before me and 1 miscarriage after me. Needless to say I was her miracle baby. So with my background of illness and this new fibromyalgia that claimed a vibrant life to one that could barely function before I turned 18 and knowing how hard it may be for my body to even carry a child to full term, I prayed. I had always wanted children and always saw children in my future. I wanted to be the cool parent's house where all the kids would hang out. I didn't just want a child I wanted a family with a mother, a father and children. After high school I struggled but I was able to work, but due to fatigue and comprehension problems college would have to wait. I dated and still thought about the children that I wanted, but I didn't see how I could make it all work and still be the mother and the wife that I wanted to be. It took everything out of me just to work, come home and go to bed just so I could do it all over again. I was barely surviving how would I be able to be that multi-tasking woman? What kind of wife or mother would I make? This fibromyalgia was so confusing and the thoughts of passing it on to my children and then being too sick myself to take care of my family seemed very selfish to me. I prayed for well over a year and then a month before I turned 25, I went for my annual gynecological visit and talked to my doctor. I explained all my reasons of why I wanted to have my tubes tied. For me an abortion would never have been an answer to birth control, and yes abstinence was an option, but not very practical for my whole life. So I guess my most selfless act was to never have a baby.
It has not been the easiest decision I have ever had to live with, but by far has been one of the best. The past 6 years I have had cousins having babies all around me. I see how happy they are but they are also a family in each situation and no medical issues to deal with. I never planned on talking about my health on my blog, but I wanted to write about "motherhood," its definitions and how it has affected my life. Surprisingly I do have my own tales of motherhood and they will follow this post. My fear of passing my fibromyalgia is starting to show in the medical field as a possibility. They now have a diagnosis of Juvenile Fibromyalgia. Medically speaking they still don't know much about fibromyalgia or even if it is genetic. I truly hope I'm wrong. I wasn't wrong about my medical condition; it has gotten much worse since then, and much more complicated than just having fibromyalgia, however since July of 2008 there have been changes in the medical community that help my day to day well being. It has given me a new lease on life and who's to say what my future holds. For you to truly understand how precious my next few blogs mean to me you needed to have this back story. I promise this will probably be my last post about my medical condition.
EJ
1 the state of being a mother; maternity
2 the character or qualities of a mother
3 mothers collectively
Webster's New World Dictionary
The hardest decision I ever made has to be the decision to have a tubal ligation (tie my tubes) before I could ever have a child. I was a very sick child and since the summer of my senior year of high school I was extremely sick and many years later would find out that I had fibromyalgia. My mother had a rough time getting me here. She had 4 miscarriages before me and 1 miscarriage after me. Needless to say I was her miracle baby. So with my background of illness and this new fibromyalgia that claimed a vibrant life to one that could barely function before I turned 18 and knowing how hard it may be for my body to even carry a child to full term, I prayed. I had always wanted children and always saw children in my future. I wanted to be the cool parent's house where all the kids would hang out. I didn't just want a child I wanted a family with a mother, a father and children. After high school I struggled but I was able to work, but due to fatigue and comprehension problems college would have to wait. I dated and still thought about the children that I wanted, but I didn't see how I could make it all work and still be the mother and the wife that I wanted to be. It took everything out of me just to work, come home and go to bed just so I could do it all over again. I was barely surviving how would I be able to be that multi-tasking woman? What kind of wife or mother would I make? This fibromyalgia was so confusing and the thoughts of passing it on to my children and then being too sick myself to take care of my family seemed very selfish to me. I prayed for well over a year and then a month before I turned 25, I went for my annual gynecological visit and talked to my doctor. I explained all my reasons of why I wanted to have my tubes tied. For me an abortion would never have been an answer to birth control, and yes abstinence was an option, but not very practical for my whole life. So I guess my most selfless act was to never have a baby.
It has not been the easiest decision I have ever had to live with, but by far has been one of the best. The past 6 years I have had cousins having babies all around me. I see how happy they are but they are also a family in each situation and no medical issues to deal with. I never planned on talking about my health on my blog, but I wanted to write about "motherhood," its definitions and how it has affected my life. Surprisingly I do have my own tales of motherhood and they will follow this post. My fear of passing my fibromyalgia is starting to show in the medical field as a possibility. They now have a diagnosis of Juvenile Fibromyalgia. Medically speaking they still don't know much about fibromyalgia or even if it is genetic. I truly hope I'm wrong. I wasn't wrong about my medical condition; it has gotten much worse since then, and much more complicated than just having fibromyalgia, however since July of 2008 there have been changes in the medical community that help my day to day well being. It has given me a new lease on life and who's to say what my future holds. For you to truly understand how precious my next few blogs mean to me you needed to have this back story. I promise this will probably be my last post about my medical condition.
EJ
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
